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Nov 14, 2019
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To be happy, you have to stop being unhappy. You do it by eliminating many attitudes that we take for granted and “natural” are actually fuel for unhappiness, they cause illness.
Keeping these 4 behaviors constantly, for example, inevitably leads you to be unhappy. Therefore, your first step towards a more peaceful life is not to look for something to add but to begin this process of elimination.
1. Complain
Most of our problems are not real problems. A real problem is not knowing whether you will be able to eat tonight or not; a serious illness, living in a country at war, not having a place to sleep, finding yourself without a job and without even a euro aside: these are real problems and concern only a small percentage of people born and raised in the West.
If you don’t have one of these problems, complaining is an offense to those who would have every right to do it and instead, maybe, they don’t. It’s a real whim.
In addition to this, there is a more practical one: no one has ever gotten anything by complaining. Complaining and blaming the injustices of life is useless, it’s lost time.
Seeking always new justifications for your immobility will be able to deceive others, but not yourself: in the long run, your continuous complaints will only hurt you. You will sink into a vortex of unhappiness from which it will be increasingly difficult to exit.
How can this behavior be overcome? The first step is to discover gratitude. Be grateful to have a functioning body, to have received an education and to have always had a roof over your head and food on your plate. Millions of people have not had this privilege.
Moreover, in the era of the Internet and its many possibilities, complaining is really ungrateful: if you really want it, you can change your life with a few hundred euros (as I did buying a one-way ticket to Australia) . Nowadays, if you really want something, you can find a way.
The second step to stop complaining is to understand that, whatever your goal, you can reach it only by taking action. The less whining and dramatized, the more concrete actions: changing your attitude in this way puts you on the right track to get everything you want.
2. Envy
Envy is one of the seven deadly sins and is one of the great obstacles in the process to stop being unhappy. It was thousands of years ago and it always will be, because it is very easy for us humans to try it even though it is one of the most negative feelings that man can experience.
The biggest problem of a life spent doing what you do not love is that a form of hatred towards others is generated within you. Because while you are not doing what you love, you know that there is someone out there who is doing it. So, don’t just hate yourself but others too.
Envy is a feeling that you must completely eradicate from your life if you want to try to improve it. Not only because, just like the complaints, you get nothing to envy others, but also because through envy you forget about your goals to focus on those achieved by others.
Remember: whatever your dream is, you will never realize it unless you are completely focused on yourself and your goal. Every second of your time spent envying someone is a second that you wasted and that you could have spent for yourself instead. For your dreams, your future and your happiness.
3. Wait
Do you know what makes you die of anxiety? The wait. Waiting for something beautiful, a favorable episode, a stroke of luck, the right person, a signal, a boost, help from above.
Waiting for a change that will never happen if you don’t do something concrete to trigger it. You are there waiting, the hands run and the breath becomes shorter every day. Because waiting wears you out and leads to nothing.
Attention, I am not referring to patience. Patience is a fundamental gift, but waiting without any purpose takes you into the trap of overthinking: you think, think and think all day without ever coming to a conclusion. Without ever taking action.
No one has ever achieved anything by waiting. Act, get to work on your dreams, right away. Follow your happiness from now. This is a really effective way to stop being unhappy.
Eliminating waiting from one’s life automatically means taking action. They are two incompatible behaviors: either wait or act. If you start right away, maybe in ten days you won’t have reached the finish line, but meanwhile you will have taken the first steps in that direction. If you do not act, in ten days you will find yourself exactly where you are now. Stop, waiting for a change that will never happen.
4. Compare yourself with others
Comparing yourself to others is one of the greatest evils you can inflict on yourself. I know it is not easy to avoid this behavior, because we live in an age where everything seems to be done specifically to constantly confront us with someone else or with other realities.
Advertisements and social networks show us beautiful, happy and carefree people every day. This constant confrontation makes you think you are never enough and never have enough. You think your life sucks and you convince yourself that just by buying the latest smartphone you’ll be as happy as the girl who uses it in that post on Instagram.
The truth that nobody tells you is that each of us is unique. Whoever you are, know that you are a unique and unrepeatable story. Your happiness has a form that only you know and your aim is to find it and realize it.
Stop wasting time comparing yourself to others. You are not them and (fortunately) you never will be. You are you. Focus on your essence, realize your human potential and make your life the most incredible story you can imagine. Even so you learn to stop being unhappy.
